One year ago, on the 11th October 2017 I came to Edinburgh for a few days and on the first evening, I proposed to Andrew.
No, it was not as romantic as you might imagine: we were sitting on the couch facing each other, I started a long speech about options and possibilities for our distance relationships, pros and cons, how and why I would move to Edinburgh. I would have moved in with Andrew pretty much right away, but I had a little tiny problem with the freedom of movement: I would need a visa for the UK. There are quite a few options for residence visas: you find a job, you prove that you have been in a civil relationship for more than 2 years, you go to uni (gosh, not again, 13 years was enough) or you get married.
I was the person who was massively against marriage for the sake of marriage (still am) and fraud marriage for the sake of a visa. But the idea of the marriage with a person I loved (that would also grant me that bloody visa) turned out to be not so frightening. Plus it was right after my graduation from uni In Berlin and I had to make a decision: job searching in Germany (and therefore limiting my freedom of flying so often to Scotland) or starting the whole new thing with Andrew in Edinburgh. He couldn’t move to Berlin (not for the next 3-4 years) because of the kids. I could move to the UK but I needed a visa.
It was this point in life when if you want to make the relationship work, you have to make a choice. I never thought that I would ever leave Berlin. Like ever. Well, except for one summer when I almost moved to Spain, but that’s another story. And I really did not want to start all over again from scratch. It’s quite exhausting. I could have looked for jobs, run around and break my neck while looking for the alternative solutions of ‘how to move to Scotland legally‘. Or I could just marry the man I loved and get my spouse visa. A new start with the support that he gives me is different.
So, my speech was kind of all around this and that but I still wanted to keep a little bit of romance and asked him ‘Will you marry me?’ Boy, was it exciting! Those three seconds that he was digesting the information were long! But you know what, I asked him because I knew he would say yes. We both wanted to have a life together, so what does it matter who asked whom? Marriage, after all, is not about weddings and a bit of a paper. I asked him to marry me 5.5 months after we first met. We got married and I moved in in nine. Too early? Why? Who defines what is too early or too late. When you know you know. As simple as that.
A few friends told me that I should stop telling this story from a bureaucratic point of you, that it doesn’t sound romantic. Well, it was what it was.
So, this last year we applied for a wedding ceremony in Copenhagen, we got married, I applied for my spouse visa, moved all my stuff from Berlin to Edinburgh, moved myself to Edi, got the visa after 3 months of nervous waiting, moved officially to Scotland, we got a cat, man! All in one year! Moving from a single life into a family, becoming part-time step-mother, and all the perks of starting over again in a new country again – it was a bit stressful. Well, it was much more difficult than I expected. But when such changes are happening for the right reasons and with the right people, things clear themselves out. I have no right to moan or complain, and I’m not, but trust me, this was one hell of a year. I am happy it’s over!
And the funniest thing, I can’t imagine living somewhere else but Edinburgh now. Not only because of the family (and a cat) but I feel home. Well, ask me what I think in five years but so far so good!